Thursday, July 31, 2008

Reasons for Not Making Love In 1 Year - Husband Vs Wife

TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just lay there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......



TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on
my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


41 comments:

stina said...

My neighbor came over to my house and yelled at me over my dog!

I have a dog that I can't keep in my yard. I have tried everything and she always finds a way out. Anyway, this lady comes to my home, knocks on my door and when i open the door she points her finger at me and yells obscenities at me. Apparently my dog was in HER neighbors garbage and then pooped on HER NEIGHBORS LAWN! Why didn't she come and talk to me like a civil human being? Why was she a vicious monster attacking me at my door? I calmly went over to HER NEIGHBORS house where the garbage was and picked up every piece, and the dog poop. I agree that I have that responsibility to clean up after my dog. The one thing I don't agree upon is someone coming to my house and screaming in my face about something I didn't know about. Is anyone out there been blessed with a psyco-neighbor?
I don't think anyone remembers the golden rule...Do unto others as you would want done unto you!
I sent them a lovely card from this site I found...www.URAJerk.com

Anonymous said...

My iPhone cracked and I still have the warranty but I know they won't replace it unless the iPhone doesn't work because of the iPhone itself. It's 3g by the way. My mom got hers crashed and unable to wwork and got a new replacemnt one. I have no idea how it crashed. Too many apps? Or what?



________________
[url=http://unlockiphone22.com]unlock iphone[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hello..I have some troubles with the conversion of movie to iPhone. I bought an iPhone last week and yesterday when I put a movie onto iPhone and click play, the phone give me a warning that he cannot play video in that format. I think I need to convert the movies to iPhone supported format first. So how can I deal with the conversion? Can any one recommend a powerful and free converter for me ?



________________
[url=http://unlockiphone22.com]unlock iphone[/url]

Anonymous said...

free car facts vin
winter emergency kit for the car
advantage car hire
car maxford mustangs
lambskin car coat
amman car rental
vigilance for driver in car
three wheel car auto

Anonymous said...

If you mobile supports one service provide, you need to dependent to that service provider. Now a days nobody wants to dependent, if we are dependent to that service, we need obey his inconsistent service and increasing rates,etc,.
________________
[url=http://www.unlock-iphone.org]unlock iphone 3g[/url]

Anonymous said...

with the help of some free, open-source software, lets you unlock your iPhone in about an hour
________________
[url=http://www.unlock-iphone.org]unlock iphone 2g[/url]

Anonymous said...

ups sorry delete plz [url=http://duhum.com].[/url]

Anonymous said...

like gambling? love las vegas? spear the all late [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]casino[/url] las vegas at www.casinolasvegass.com with all in return the advantage of 75 eulogistic aim unproven [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]online casino[/url] games like slots, roulette, baccarat, craps and more and sifter a quelling in existent currency with our $400 impassioned bonus.
we be hunger with unbroken inimitability games then the pass‚ online [url=http://www.place-a-bet.net/]casino[/url] www.place-a-bet.net! few more free casino games and free [url=http://www.2010-world-cup.info]casino bonus[/url] you can find at the 2 new [url=http://www.buy-cheap-computers.info]casino[/url] guides : www.2010-world-cup.info and www.buy-cheap-computers.info .

Anonymous said...

Brown-nose to Our Morose Prices at www.Pharmashack.com, The Unrivalled [b][url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Online Chemist's boutique [/url][/b] To [url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Buy Viagra[/url] Online ! You Can also Underline to Countless Deals When You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/cialis.html]Buy Cialis[/url] and When You You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/levitra.html]Buy Levitra[/url] Online. We Also Shore up a Ginormous Generic [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/phentermine.html]Phentermine[/url] As a armed forces to Your Rations ! We Hawk Disfigurement apogee healing [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/viagra.html]Viagra[/url] and Also [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/generic_viagra.html]Generic Viagra[/url] !

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.c-medical.biz/]buy cialis[/url] and [url=http://www.medical-250l.biz/]viagra online[/url] at the finest and most trusted generic drugs online pharmacies : www.c-meical.biz and www.medical-250.biz ,
curtail retreat from our discreditable prices suited in behalf of viagra, cialis, levitra and more drugs online.

Anonymous said...

Hello. My wife and I bought our house about 6 months ago. It was a foreclosure and we were able to get a great deal on it. We also took advantage of the 8K tax credit so that definitely helped. We did an extensive remodeling job and now I want to refinance to cut the term to a 20 or 15 year loan. Does anyone know any good sites for mortgage information? Thanks!

Mike

Josue Aragon said...

Hello friend amazing and very interesting blog I really enjoyed reading and I would like to have any update about it and i want to know if you have any blog about cougars women

Anonymous said...

Online Pharmacy no Prescription
buy advair, diskus fluticasone-salmeterol allergy, respiratory
buy allegra, fexofenadine hcl allergy
buy allegra-d, fexofenadine-pseudophedrine allergy
buy atarax, hydroxyzine allergy
buy clarinex, desloratadine allergy
buy claritin, loratadine allergy
buy periactin, cyproheptadine allergy
buy singulair, montelukast allergy, asthma, lung diseases
buy tavist, clemastine allergy
buy zyrtec, cetirizine allergy
buy zyrtec-d, cetirizine-pseudoephedrine allergy
buy amoxicillin, amoxicillin and clavulanate anti bacterial inflammatory
buy asacol, mesalamine anti bacterial
buy augmentin, amoxicillin and clavulanate anti bacterial inflammatory
buy amoxil, amoxicillin and clavulanate anti bacterial inflammatory
buy clavulanate, amoxicillin and clavulanate anti bacterial inflammatory
buy bactrim, cotrimoxazole anti bacterial, antibiotics
buy canasa, mesalamine anti bacterial
buy ceftin, cefuroxime anti bacterial
buy chloromycetin, chloramphenicol anti bacterial
buy chloroquine, chloroquine phosphate anti bacterial
buy decadron, dexamethasone anti bacterial
buy doryx, doxycycline anti bacterial
buy flagyl, metronidazole, antibiotics, women's health, anti bacterial
buy furoxone, furazolidone anti bacterial
buy minomycin, minocycline hydrochloride anti bacterial, inflammatory
buy monodox, doxycycline anti bacterial

Dean said...

greetings to all.
I would first like to thank the writers of this blog by sharing information, a few years ago I read a book called guanacaste costa rica in this book deal with questions like this one.

Anonymous said...

lost your money at the [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]casino[/url] ?over 21 and looking where to [url=http://www.generic4you.com]buy viagra online[/url]? or even how to buy [url=http://www.avi.vg]adult toys[/url]? well you can try this websites and [url=http://www.medical-250.biz]buy viagra[/url]. [url=http://www.generic4you.com]sildenafil[/url] and [url=http://www.generic4you.com]generic viagra[/url] online. you can also buy [url=http://www.generik4u.com]viagra[/url] online.
so for [url=http://www.avi.vg]sex toys[/url] and [url=http://www.ewgpresents.com]viagra online[/url] check us ! for great [url=http://www.cahv.org]viagra[/url] deals check us now!

niz said...

Hello .. firstly I would like to send greetings to all readers. After this, I recognize the content so interesting about this article. For me personally I liked all the information. I would like to know of cases like this more often. In my personal experience I might mention a book called Generic Viagra in this book that I mentioned have very interesting topics, and also you have much to do with the main theme of this article.

eco vacation costa rica said...

Wow incredible blog about Reasons for Not Making Love In 1 Year - Husband Vs Wife I was looking information about this topic! I really enjoyed reading this weblog thanks for sharing

Firesales Costa Rica said...

Well said.... the blog is really nice to read... when I was mentally stressed... I sit in my computer i became more stressed...... but when I gone through this article it made me relief in very less time... thanks a lot

Anonymous said...

Wonderful write-up! Will you follow-up on this subject?

Anonymous said...

torby listonoszki
to torebki damskie batycki , torebki młodzieżowe , torebki batycki . torebki damskie skórzane , torebki kazar ?

High quality celebrities themes said...

High quality celebrities themes for your smartphone FOR FREE!
http://highestpayout.blogspot.com/2011/02/download-high-quality-celebrities.html

No Deposit Bonus said...

Well written Reasons for Not Making Love In 1 Year - Husband Vs Wife article, well researched and useful for me in the future.I am so happy you took the time and effort to make awesome Best, Funny, Emotional, Inspirational, Educational, emails - to read and enjoy for all blog here. See you around
--------------------------
My site: 50 Poker Money Bonuses.

Poker said...

I appear forward to coming back to read your Reasons for Not Making Love In 1 Year - Husband Vs Wife post also.
--------------------------
Visit my web: Poker 50 gratuit & Poker Bonus Deposito & Poker Online Kostenlos & Bonus senza deposito

Anonymous said...

will clomid work for me | http://buyclomidonline.jimdo.com/#26416 - buy clomid online usa, does clomid make your period late

Anonymous said...

xanax mg xanax 2mg yellow bar - order xanax online no prescription mastercard

Anonymous said...

ivf clomid | clomid 50 - clomid drug, when will i ovulate on clomid

Anonymous said...

clomid vs metformin | where to buy clomid online - clomid without prescriptions, clomid for men infertility

Anonymous said...

what time of day to take clomid | http://cheapclomidonline.jimdo.com/#80676 - clomid cost, clomid light period

Anonymous said...

clomid day 2-6 | [url=http://buycheapclomid.webs.com/#91085]how to buy clomid online no prescription[/url] - clomid prescription, cqcj clomid cyst

Anonymous said...

ovulation after clomid days 5 9 | clomid 50 mg - buy cheap clomid online no prescription, progesterone levels after clomid

Anonymous said...

clomid 50mg side effects | http://buy-clomid-in-usa.webs.com/#61060 - clomid online fast delivery, clomid results

Anonymous said...

clomid mood swings | http://buyclomidonline.webs.com/#80357 - clomid 50mg tablets, pregnancy and clomid

Anonymous said...

Hey practical report. I'd slightly difficulity viewing this article onSafari though, unclear exactly why?
Also visit my web page : Treatments For Genital Warts

Anonymous said...

clomid and twins | http://buyclomidcheap.webs.com/#85773 - buy clomid online no prescription uk, how do you take clomid correctly

Anonymous said...

clomid multiple follicles | buy clomid on line - buy clomid and nolvadex online, clomid success rates on first cycle

Anonymous said...

chances of multiple births with clomid | [url=http://purchaseclomid.jimdo.com/#39546]buy clomid uk[/url] - buy clomid 100mg online, zukb clomid ovulation calendar

Anonymous said...

Great ρost.

Feel frеe to suгf to my web page ... payday loans

Anonymous said...

For the reason that the аdmin of this website is workіng, no uncertainty veгy
quіckly it will be rеnowned, duе to іts quality сοntеnts.


my webpage payday loans

Anonymous said...

This piece of wrіting iѕ actually а good one it helps new internet
visitors, who агe wishing іn faѵoг оf blogging.


My webpаgе payday loans

Anonymous said...

When he began to live in substantial specialized teams, their workload
daily has modified, and for a good number of the need
to have for training session is born.

Feel free to surf to my website - bowflex selecttech 552 dumbbells sale

Ethan Smith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.